THE ANTI-INNOVATION
MANUAL FOR ESTABLISHED
COMPANIES
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Create a line item on your
P&L called“innovation”
If you can’t find your P&L skip
to step 7 and proceed
to “Acquire Existing Innovated
Platform or Business”

Throw some *but not enough*
money at it. Smother it with
master brand bureaucracy
and organizational inertia.

Watch it die.
Blame your Heart
Anti-Innovation Manual
for Established Companies

Ignore need for organizational
change management, and instead
hire some smart people *ideally
with pedigree MBAs* to map out
pipeline. Ensure lots of use of the
following:
1. Powerpoint
2. Excel
3. Basecamp or equivalent
4. Trend forecasting
5. Financial Modeling
6. Meeting to discuss the
next Meeting
Hire lawyers right away, educate
them on the need for flexibility,
then write them a blank check so
they can tell you “no” repeatedly.
Create frequent check-ins with
C-Suite to share "progress"
Stay inside. This is critical.
Creative "claustrophobia"
means you are sucking out
any potential distractions.
This is a good thing.
Continuously Signal Intent
for change.
Never let go of the need to
remind one another that
"innovation starts from within."
Having a Monday meeting where
everyone stands up and tells
you the most innovative thing
they have seen over the weekend
is a great way to ensure everyone
is reminded that someone else
is capable.
Spend lots of money and dick
around for approximately
6-9 months.
pace is what you make it
So anything that is fractionally
quicker than wider organizational
movement is fast by comparison.
Once you have an idea that has
already been kinda done, but
your version is better because it
“leverages the decades of trust
created by "master brand"
immediately hire an expensive
design agency that has done
something successful for the
likes of Casper, Spotify or Dollar
Shave Club.
Wait 6 weeks
while they present back to
you all the consumer insights
you already have.
You have a product!
You have a brand!
You have social media assets!
do a victory lap!
‍‍
Notify the Lawyers!
Gut the whole thing from
meaning because of one of the
following:
A. The small chance it may
cannibalize some other
probably doomed-to-die-soon
business unit.
B. Lawyers who don’t
understand what you are
trying to do, say no.
C. Despite frequent check ins,
leadership didn’t realize
transformative innovation
was predicated on taking on
some risk.
D. Product can’t integrate into
existing technology.
Save Face!
Even though you know deep
down that no one really wants
the equivalent of sitting and
having a coffee at a bank, spend
a bunch of money telling the
world you have a new product.
Make sure at all costs to follow
the media metrics, but never the
bottom line.
1. blame millennials!
2. Mark all failures as “learnings”
3. Quietly fold business line into
other business
4. Acquire like product that did
it quicker and better — call it
integration

Bonus!
(Considerations for
Further Success)

Buy a shit ton of outdoor
advertising for a digital  
only product.

Virtue Signal a social cause
Encourage your employees
to talk about it on LinkedIn.

Make sure Master brand logo is
everywhere, just so people know
it’s not actually any different.

Pull product as soon as people
notice it’s a rather shit version
of something that already exists.
Made with Love by Heart
WEB ADAPTATION BY
Dominique Kaluscha
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